Processing

Recently I discovered the existence of an outlet on my back porch. We've lived in this house for two years, and for some reason I'd never seen it. So I promptly brought my laptop downstairs, plugged it in, and realized that I have my cake and can eat it too: Edit photos (still not going great, but better), listen to Itunes or Pandora and be outside. Classic. I'm looking forward to the next few weeks on the back porch.

Before I found the outlet, I was sitting on a porch chair watching leaves fly through air by the hundreds every time the wind picks up.Its sunny and 75 today- perfect weather. In a couple of days I'll have to go out there and rake them up (or get Alex to show me how to use the leaf blower), but for the moment, I'm enjoying watching them fly off the trees and through the air. Its kind of like watching birds or butterflies. It was the first time I had the opportunity to sit back here and really process the last 6 weeks of my life. I'm not disappointed with how any of it- My job, the adoption adventures- turned out. It was trying to be sure and often full of uncertainty, but not overwhelming. It feels like that 6 weeks was a lot longer than it was in some ways. But I'm still really excited about adopting and hoping it happens soon, but I'm cool if we wait longer. The last 5 years have been a long haul, so what's a little while longer? In some ways the waiting is better than everything else we've been through.

Somewhere in the middle of it all I came to realize that I really love this child we haven't adopted yet, and I really love this child's birth mother and family. We cant be parents without her. And if I already have this much emotion welling up, I cant imagine what that sort of love will feel like when the day finally comes.