I wish I had pictures to post for people. It would be better than reading my uninspired dribble.

I feel like this whole thing with J isnt going to end as I had originally hoped. Alex doesnt feel that way. My mom doesn't feel that way. My friend, who adopted her son the same type of adoption doesnt think so. Even our caseworker says my feelings are normal and that out of all my concerns, only one is slightly validated, and even then not in a strong way. So does that mean I am being completely irrational?

Perhaps in a small way it does. My mom, not a psychologist in the least, says I develop cynicism and nochalance as a form of emotional self protection. I'm not denying this is happening, but I'd rather attribute my issues to a general over all faithlessness and disbelief that God accomplishes and is accomplishing all things.

It'll be a few more weeks before anything really concrete happens. The agency, my mom, Alex and pretty much everyone else wants us to hang in there and ride it out. I dont know what I want or how I really feel about anything anymore. So I'm just going with Alex. I'm goign to hang in there and watch to see what happens. Hopefully something will happen soon.