Final Flings, or selfishness.

Alex and I have highly anticipated the baby's arrival. He's looking forward to reading books in Russian, I'm looking forward to that sweet baby smell newborns have.

And then there is the conflicting sense of loss. That it wont be just us anymore. But thats not a hard thing to work through for me. We've had nearly 8 years of us. Its been good for so many things, and made our marriage really strong and made us very realistic about what life holds. I still have a small sense of idealism, but I think that's ok.

We've done a number of things we call final flings: the last things we will do together Last cool vacations, staying up all night, eating dinner late, doing things on the spur of the moment, like go out for ice cream. These things have all represented things we go becuase we can. And when the baby comes, we'll still do them, it will just take planning.

And then there are my personal final flings. The things I want to do for myself before he comes, and we form a new Mother- Son duo:

Refinish the coffee table and the dining room buffet.
Run a 5k race.
Work on the garden and the back yard.
Lose more wieght.
Be alone.

I think being alone is the most important thing on this list. After september, I will rarely spend time myself again. I think I might miss that most of all. But I also think its good. I'll have this baby to mother, and he'll be my main focus. There's so much I want for him already, and so much I'll realize I want for him when he's here. I might miss being alone occasionally, but I think I'll like being with him a lot more.