THinking semi deep thoughts.

TOday finds me sitting in bed, my whole body slightly hurting. I've had a slight cold, and now my arms and neck just kind ache all over. I hope Lev doesnt catch it, although I'm pretty sure I caught it from him, and he probably caught it from gym nursery or his one visit to the church nursery, the day I was totally exhausted. But whatever, I can still do housework, I just need to pop some Ibuprofen, and I'll be fine.

J is coming to see us soon, which is always fun. Lev has a lot of awesome tricks to show her. She has a cool FB page, where people ask her questions about her adoption experience. I try not to chat too much on the page, but sometimes I feel compelled to comment. But one response had me thinking a bit.

There was a question about what she would tell Lev about his adoption if he ever got mad that she placed him. I personally cant imagine that to ever be the case, but one never knows? Her response was that she might tell him that she was sorry that he was sad, but that she did it for him, becuase she cared about his future and still thinks she did the right thing. I thought that was a good answer, and then I got to think more about his adoption and I've come down to this question:

Are birthparents obligated to respond to their birthchildren's questions/concerns accusations? Do they owe that sort of explanation to them? It seems to me that in the aftermath of a birth that ends in an adoption placement, there is the idea that the birthmother says hello and good bye, and sometimes does things to care for that child she wont be able to care for in the same way afterwards- like nursing, or saving breastmilk, or something. Some birthparents do those things, but not all, thats ok. It's really up to each birthmom to do what she needs to do, when she wants to do it.

But is there something else, in the years down the road, some grand moral and ethical obligation that a birthmom comes back and addresses a birthchild's concerns and questions? Is that something that she should be expected to do? I've thinking about this for a couple of days not becuase I think that J should do that, but becuase it's something deep to think about for the future, and Lev might struggle one day, right? Maybe not. I dont want to project onto him emotions and thoughts that wouldnt be his.

I think my initial response is that a good open adoption will have ongoing discussion about it. SOmetimes there might be questions, and sometimes there wont be. And it's not like we have to talk about it every visit or phone call. And there may come a point in the future where J wont want to talk about it, and thats ok too. That's why I'm Lev's mom. I cant talk about it with him when she cant or is unable to. But I dont think she is obligated to make a formal statement of why she placed. SHe did, and she's satisfied with it, and she's moved on with her life as much as she can.