Beautiful paradox

The last few weeks, when I am not avoiding how I really feel about somethings have found me trudging through my constantly evolving feelings about infertility. Coming to terms with the idea that losing fertility is a real, valid grieving process. You are grieving the loss of an idea, and you have to find a way out of it just as if you had lost an actual person. Nobody really gets that idea, and its often a solitary process. Sometimes I find myself held firm in my belief of "this is the way it is." And other days I find myself in a mindset where I think, "If I could get pregnant I wouldn't have to do this." But then I realize I wouldn't get to adopt. And then I realize I am trapped in this beautiful paradox. I get to adopt, because I can't get pregnant. I get to do this becuase I couldnt do this.