You know you're being scammed if...

1. someone sends you email with grainy pictures that cannot be enlarged.
2. the same someone tells you they don't speak or read Spanish, but writes you in grammatically correct Spanish, complete with tildes and accent marks.
3. Tells you they live in Cameroon.

I knew I was being scammed after step 1. So I wasn't disappointed when it turned out to be the case when I kept emailing back and forth "just in case" (read "to see what will happen"). The whole experience was over in an hour for me.

Don't be sad for me because I am not sad for myself. I'm still really positive and excited about this whole adoption experience, where the wait and all the adventures of waiting are almost as important as the result. If I feel any emotions about it, its to feel a bit of indignation about people who emotionally and financially abuse vulnerable people. And I feel bad for people whose whole lives (for the moment anyways) revolve around emails and phone calls and were really hoping this was IT. There was a tiny little flicker of that in my heart 2 nights ago. I'd be lying to say there wasn't.

But (and this is a big "but"), the Lord has shown me how much he has strengthened my heart, allowed me to remain calm, and think rationally to recognize the situation for what it was. I prayed early on that the Lord will strengthen my heart for this wait, and that when I am prone to discouragement or sadness that my initial reaction would not be one of bitterness, anger or even depression, but one of certainty, hope and prayer. And the Lord has answered that prayer. I have certainly failed, and resorted to anger and bitterness, but they are almost immediately followed by regret and repentance and renewed hope that the Lord who gave us the opportunity to adopt is the same Lord who will carry us through to the end. That's grace to me, and to everyone I tell about what the Lord has done for me.