Our social worker is coming over tomorrow night to renew our home study. We aren't really happy about it because we never wanted to be in this place- a year in sitting around, still waiting. But as I think over the past year, its better than some other people's past year, where they heard nothing. At least we almost adopted 3 times. And it was all in a month.

I'm not going to lie when I say that I am grateful for the quietness of the past week. Nobody called to tell me I might be a mom in 12 hours, there were no rushed phone conversations with A about whether I should go out and buy a crib mattress (the last big piece we need for baby), or calling my mom to tell her whats going on. It was nice. Just one phone call from a girl who lied about calling the wrong number. I cant help if people call prospective adoptive parents, freak out, tell a lie and hang up. I'd absolutely do the same thing- no doubt about it. I'm emotionally tired from being pulled in 3 different directions in the past month but I think that my energy is coming back.

I wonder sometimes about my lack of emotion about these 3 situations. I cried for 10 whole minutes when the first birth family chose someone else. But the other two were like water off a ducks back. In some ways I feel like there's something wrong with me, but I know there isn't. I've been like my whole life- Idont stay disappointed for too long becuase life is just too short to mope. My mom always says I'm a trooper, but I think that its grace from the Lord to me to easily overcome disappointment and see what other things lay ahead. I dont feel daunted, just determined to slog out the remaining time in this season of waiting- enduring becuase I know that greater things are yet to come.