SOmetimes I read this blog by a mom who lost her baby suddenly a couple of weeks before he was born. She just writes about grief, and pain,and God, something I have very little experience with and hope to keep that way.
She linked to a blog by girl she knows whose little boy died yesterday. He was born prematurely, but he couldnt function well, and died after a week. There is a picture on the blog, where his eyes are open and he's looking at the camera. It's wrenching and haunting to look at it. I finally had to leave the site.
It's at these times when my mind dwells on the unfairness of life: why did God take that little life? And I think of Lev, who's alive and happy and healthy, when so many other babies are aborted. Why is that? I am THANKFUL FOR IT- dont misinterpret- but I think of all the babies who dont get a chance for one reason or another and I wonder why he's here and not them. What is it he is here to accomplish? It must be something great, even if it's to raise sweet kids with a nice girl he marries.
And yet, God is still good. Even in the taking of life. Sometimes I wonder how firmly I believe that. Something to ponder on a cold winter night. But I know I believe it. Intellectually I know that He does all things for his GLory. But sometimes I have to will my heart to go along for the glory ride and I cant make it go. And thats not my job. That doest make me an apostate. I think it just makes honest in an unfair world.
And I still know that I love Jesus and he loves me inspite of all the insanity of life and death and doubt.
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