On the Demise of Coffee Cavern and Being a Grown Up.

When I was in college my friend Sandi and I often went to this place called Coffee Cavern on Contra Costa Blvd. I would read my obscure medieval Spanish poetry and Sandi would read her June Jordan poetry. We had grand ideas that we would accomplish a lot of work while sitting in a dimly lit cafe surrounded by plaster dinosaurs and fake caves while drinking overpriced coffee we could have made at home ourselves. But more often than not, we would talk about boys... or other topics which shall remained unmentioned. I imagine that we thought ourselves quite the adults. I remember one time we talked until the cafe started to close and then we went outside to talk more until they took the table from us, and we were forced to leave. I am sure we did that more than once.

About a week ago, I was thumbing through my entertainment book and found a coupon for a coffee at Coffee Cavern. I hadn't been down that end of contra Costa blvd for a while so I gathered up my papers I was grading, pocketed the coupon and took a ride down the road to Coffee Cavern, full of excitement at being at my old haunt where I wasted so much money in the past. But when I arrived, I found that Coffee Cavern was now a Quiznos. I felt cheated somehow, like I had lost a part of myself, which was silly because it was just a place and all places eventually change. So I drove home, feeling a little dejected and chalked up the loss of coffee cavern as yet another good reason to move to NC.

Those college days were so simple and carefree. When I think about it now, I wonder why I ever was so stressed out. I went to school. I wrote papers about things I loved and spent my evenings drinking coffee in caves. It was the perfect bohemian lifestyle. My life now is full of actual adult things like work, recalcitrant students, mortgage applications, job interviews, cross country moves, INS paperwork that NEVER EVER ENDS, and more than my fair share of Doctors appointments. It now revolves around deciding how far NOT to drive because the price of gas is so high, which adoption agency will best serve our needs, and wondering why it takes the INS 3 months to process one stupid form for my husband. Boys and coffee are the farthest things from my mind. And the scariest part is that I am only 28. I feel like I have lived an entire life, but my whole life is still ahead of me. And sometimes I don't know what to do with it. I have vague ideas about being more involved with some sort or ministry apart from Christian Education, but I don't actually know what the Lord will lead me to. Its been the subject of prayer for me for a couple of weeks now.

While on one hand being a grown up is lame and has way too much responsibility for my taste, I find that I can bear it. I don't actually want to go back to the days when all I did was read poetry no one cared about and write papers no one would ever read. That was fun, but unproductive. I lived in a bubble, consumed with my own life. I didn't do much for Christ and I can definitely say that my life is more in tune with that necessity of working for Christ. This current time and the years head will form the basis of how I am remembered and what legacy I will leave behind. And I am only 28. My life is still ahead of me to ingrain into service for the Lord. But on the other hand I am already 28! Time is flying by. It reminds me of this quote by Amy Carmichael(or someone cooler than myself) I saw on the desk of a coworker last week. The words burned themselves into my mind:

Only one life and 'tis soon past.
Only whats done for Christ will last.

What a sobering reminder of the purpose of life.