Yesterday, I went ot visit a friend and her new baby. As we were getting ready to go, I glanced at her side table and noticed she had the picture of her and her first baby I took of them on Mother's Day as part of a photo project at our church. I saw other people display theirs on Facebook in June, and still others stopped to thank me for taking their picture. So I know people have their picture in their possession.

I took a picture too. I just had a piece of paper with J's due date on it. I consider it my first mothers day despite whatever the outcome is of this current adoption adventure.

But I never got a copy of that picture. It kept me up past midnight last night thinking about it. I was just sad in the end, rather than being angry. I thought, for a few months, that mine just hadn't come yet, or that it got lost in the shuffle. That's entirely possible. But I'm starting to think I was another unintended casualty of adoption. People sometimes think a match is not the same as a positive pregnancy test, and they are right. But I'm still a mom even if sweat out this long match, just to sit in that hospital for 2 days feed him a bottle, give him a kiss and she reclaims. Brutal to think about, but true.

That's why I want that picture. Biology has little to do with being a mom.